42 and trying to cope with an overbearing Mother – Family & People

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Hello, my name is Mary and I am 42 years old with 2 boys, divorced, and work full time. I have an overbearing mother who feels the need to know everything going on in my life from the time I wake in the morining till the time I go to bed. I am an insulin dependent diabetic and have had seizures in the past from low blood sugars and have since gotten that under control. I have been seizure free for almost 2 years and only had one seizure in the last 4 years. If I fail to answer the phone on time, she is calling within minutes. She does not want me going out with my friends, driving on the interstate because someone might kill me, and even tries to dominate who my friends should be. I am completely fed up with it all. Trying to talk to her is impossible. She does not recognize what she is doing and even attempts to do the same to my 14 yr old son. She speaks poorly about his father to him and I feel that is wrong and she is out of line. His father and I do not see eye to eye on things, but my son does not need to hear negative things about him either. They do have a good relationship and I would like to keep it that way. Right now, my Mom and I are not speaking, she hung up on me this morning for saying that I am meeting a new friend about 30 miles away for dinner on Monday. THis is a new friend that came about due to my break up with my fiancй, as it turns out, she dated him too and was completely honest with me about how he was cheating on me and was able to prove it. I appreciate that she was kind enough and took the chance on telling me. There were other deatails that I was able to find on my own that verified everything she said. We have since become friends but have never met in person, we have talked on the phone and sent lots and lots of emails. She invited me to dinner so we could talk and meet each other. I thought that was nice and I wanted to meet her too. My Mom thinks “I have had enough trouble in my life” and “have no business meeting her.” I think I need to pull away from Mom, stop calling her, and telling her details in my life. She makes too big of an issue over small things. She is afraid of driving on the interstate and acts as though I should be too. I told her I am an adult and she needs to stop treating me like I’m 5… that only sparked more nasty remarks about all the mistakes I have made in life. I feel smothered and very stressed out. I try very hard to please her, but feel it is impossible to do, I want to be happy too.

Any suggestions??

Thank you!
Mary

Answer

Mom is just being way too invasive into your life. You’ll have to make a choice here about just what you want mom to know about your life and then stick with it. Telling her everything is only a receipe for disaster as you can well see from your posting. Still be friends with mom, but don’t pour out everything to her.

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