Bestfriends husband and I hate each other; is it going to work? – Family & People


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Hi all

Well, just as the title said, my best friend’s husband and I hate each other. Maybe ‘hating’ is too strong a word. But in any case, we can’t do anything together, and it’s getting more of a nuisance every time.

A little background: my friend and I are in mid-twenties, her husband is 30-something. This girl (Jane) and I have known each other since kidergarten because our mothers are friends. My family relocated when I was a teenager. Then a couple years ago Jane came for a visit and met this guy and married him. All this is to say that she doesn’t have many of her own friends here, mostly her husband’s or mine.

At first I didn’t like her husband because he cancelled their wedding. Then half a year later they did get married, I got to know him better and he was nice. So one day I had to drive 700 miles to one town, and I invited Jane and she invited her husband. The trip was a disaster. He’s the kind of person that never says what he wants. Like “I don’t mind either way, do as you wish”. He got mad for some reason and he stopped talking to us, he wouldn’t even sit at the same table for lunch. So that was it. When we came back we never talked again. I feel he owes me an apology because it was “my” trip, I did all the driving, I didn’t do anything wrong to him, and I hadn’t invited him in the first place! Jane did… And he feels that I’m a selfish person because I planned the trip. But during the trip he never said what he wanted to do exactly.

Well so now I can’t come to their place when he’s home. We have to do everything separately and make sure the husband and I don’t see each other. It’s becoming a pain in the . Sometimes I feel angry at Jane for not fixing it somehow. Sometimes I feel like it’ a competition for her attention or something. I also feel that it’s selfish of the husband to create such a situation with one of the few truly “HER” friends here. Sometimes I just want to toss it and not bother with her anymore, because I’m fed up with having to sneak aroun her busband as if I were at fault or something, but that would be silly and childish.

So, anybody ever had such a situation? Is it going to work? Should somebody do something about it?

Thanks for reading through anyway, I just realisd it’s kind of long!


Sounds to me like he is a not a forgiving person, and harbors resentment. It’s a shame but maybe he is jealous of your friendship with his wife, and wants to separate the two of you. Don’t know why? It seems like she doesn’t want to change things either, because she is not changing the situation at all. I think you are going to have to make a decision either you have this friendship under these circumstances or just don’t bother with her anymore because of her husband.

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