Dealing with my ex at adult daughter’s functions – Family & People

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Hi. My ex-husband and I divorced 20 years ago when we had our daughter who was 3 at the time. I have been through many things with her father. He is on his 3rd marriage, he has had a drug problem, he abandoned his daughter during these years and is very irresponsible. Although it drove me crazy, I sugar coated everything for her because I knew he loved her and I always wanted her to have a close relationship with him (I do not have a good father relationship).

Hi stepfather passed away recently, I attended the funeral and the wake. I have never acted out towards him and have no problems with his new wife. I get along great with his family. In fact, my daughter sat between her father and I.

Recently, I have learned that he and his new wife have been arguing and bringing up my name (she thinks we still talk). So, now that my daughter is pregnant and we have began attending things like the ultrasound (baby shower coming up), he makes it a point to say sarcastic, nasty things. I have ignored these comments but I do not wish to continue to be in the same room with him when he continues to try and antagonize me.

I approached my daughter and she says “You know he’s not going to change, be the better person” I feel I have! Our last blow up she says “For the sake of you grandchild, you just need to get along” Again, I ignore his comments, but why should I have to take this stuff? I feel if I stop attending, it will just please him and my daughter and I will grow distance. If I go, I get upset as he continues. His mother and sister agree with me. My daughter doesn’t want to approach her dad. What do you suggest? I think I played the better person all through my daughter’s life. She is now 23 and I am not going to play for the next generation. I would just rather separate myself.

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I agree with your daughter. Be the better person. Hey if he says anything to you again, say “hey I love it when you say ___________, that makes it very comfortable for our daughter and all of us, thank you.” Say it in your nice voice with no pun intended. Say it in front of who he said it in front of, and leave it at that. Turn your attention to where it needs to be and leave it alone. I would never let my “EX” get in the way of me and my daughter, especially when she needed me at the most important time in her life. You and he made this choice for her to have to deal with your mis-haps, this is you and his deal, not hers. Make it so. Do not complain to her anymore, it will get annoying and she will stop inviting you to events that she doesn’t think you will find out about. I know it must be uncomfortable and I am so sorry.

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