I don’t bring my girlfriend around my friends as much as I probably should, is that bad ?

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First off, she’s met my inner circle of friends once and that was when she brought her friends along as well. We all had a great time and haven’t really hung out since. I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year and half already and we’re going to college together in Waco. This is mostly due to the summer before senior year because I fucked up and had to fix our relationship. We just stuck to each other like glue since the summer and all senior year I’ve been with her or, occasionally, her friends as well. I don’t know why I’m like that, its just the way it is. When I asked her about it, she said it USED to bother when I didn’t bring her around my friends as much, but now shes used to it. That kills me inside, but its just…different with my friends. I honestly haven’t hung out with them in forever because I’ve just seemed to..outgrow them in a way. I mean sure, they’re still my boys and we’ve hung out a few times during senior year, but I’ve been with my girlfriend much more. She goes to school across town so I’m always in that area and never near my friends. Prom is coming up and I know my girlfriend is a bit nervous since she hasn’t been around my friends much. Am I wrong for this or is it justified? Help!!!!

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I’m a little confused about what you need help for. Is the question whether you should have your girlfriend hang out with your friends more? Or is it ok if you don’t let them hang out together? That’s the question I’m going to answer. I hope it’s the right one. But I’ve misunderstood questions before.

There is no should here. No one can tell you what to do. The person you need to talk to is your girlfriend. Does she want to see them, yes or no? If no, no problem. If yes, then you need to think about what your objection is. Why don’t you want her to see them? Can you articulate the reason?

Maybe it’s just a feeling—an intuition. You know they will get along fine, but you need a group of people who are for you, and you alone. You need a refuge where you can talk about everything. If she starts hanging out, then they might start telling her things you’re not sure she’s ready to hear yet. So if you keep her separate, you can control the flow of information better.

If that’s the problem, then you can explain to her that you want a place that is just yours. You know she gets along with your friends, but you need a place for you and just you. Most people need a place like that.

Now she may feel shut out of your life, or that you talk about her with your friends or all kinds of other stuff. So you just have to sort through that. Tell her what you need, and find out what she needs and negotiate a solution that works for you both. Be honest about your feelings, and it will be ok. If you hide stuff or try to get over on her, your relationship won’t last long. But there’s no need for you to hide, is there?

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