Okay for father to sleep in same bed as adult daughter? – Family & People


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My husband spent the night at his adult daughter’s place. That was fine with me (step-mom) until I found out that they slept in the same bed (and, yes, under the same covers). She’s 35 years old and extremely physical (lots of hugging of friends & family). He told me before he left that even though she really wanted him to spend the night he wanted to come home because he had work in the morning (her place is an hour away). Then he called and said she talked him into staying overnight (which I predicted as he never says no to her). I definitely don’t think anything sexual went on between them but I don’t like them sleeping in the same bed. It just feels weird. She and I don’t get along and I know that she deliberately does things to upset me. I’m mad at my husband for not insisting that she set up a separate place for him to sleep or come home. His excuse is that they were out until 2am. As I said, she’s devious, and I think she planned the whole thing. What should I do? So far, I made him sleep on the couch for a nap (poor thing was exhausted). Am I over-reacting? I won’t bore you with the countless things that she’s done to disrepect and hurt me over the past 20 years her father and I have been together. I only maintain a superficial relationship with her. I had to give up on expressing anything real to her because she twists my words and actions. (I’m not alone on this, she’s alienated many others). So, I do not intend to speak to her about this, it’s the person I have an intimate relationship with, my husband, that I care about. Do I need to be open-minded? Any advice? Thanks for your thoughts.


Wow – this hits me on several levels.

As a woman I think shutting your husband out of your bed and bedroom is a big mistake. You MADE him sleep on the couch? Yikes – isn’t it also his bed?

How did you find out about this? She called you, he told you, something else?

Does it make my hair stand on end? Yes, honestly it does. I can give you all the advice in the world about how you should feel – but, truly, I don’t know how I’d feel.

And I’m a stepmother of 5!

This is a little too freaky for me.

I did date a guy at one time, really great, liked him a lot, widower – with a really dependent, emotionally insecure (or overwrought) 19 year old daughter who one time (at his house at dinner) let it “slip” that after her mother died and neither one of them could sleep, she and her father shared a bed. It’s probably immature and judgmental of me, but I knew I couldn’t handle that news. Not saying anything went on… but I felt it was a shot at me and it was something I would have had popping into my head.

I’m sure she’s now driven off any number of women – but that’s my problem, not yours.

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