Parents can’t accept my sexuality and beliefs. – Family & People

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I’m only 22, so I probably have very immature views on things still, but yeah, that’s the reason why I’m here I guess.

Since some years back I fight more with my parents than I talk to them. The only times we get along are when my best friends don’t have time for me or for some other reason barely talk to them. I guess there’s a whole bundle of issues between me and my parents, but it’s driven me so far that I just feel that I can’t wait until I have the economy to be able to move abroad and cut ties with them. This is probably a horribly thought, but I’m really tired of trying to find some kind of middle where them and me can meet up.

The main issues that I suffer most from in our relationship is that they can’t accept the way I’ve chosen to live. When I told mom that I’m bisexual and prefer women, my mother started crying and told me she things I’m confused and that she’ll pray for me. I told her then to do as she pleases, but the more time passes, the more frustrating and hurtful it gets that I can’t just be accepted the way I am. Dad has never uttered a word about it, but my sister often talk to him about sexuality-matters and according to her he thinks that homosexuality is more okay than bisexuality because he has this view that bisexuals sleep around, which I certainly don’t. Then there’s the religious issue. I used to be really depressed and the christian faith I was raised to was a big factor to that depression. Trying to believe in god really crushed me and when I dropped my faith, I felt so much better, but my parents are really upset about this. Mom has cried a few times, saying that she doesn’t want me to end up in hell, but that’s not my belief. It makes it really difficult to get along.

I know my parents think I don’t prioritize them enough though. This might be true, might not. A lot of my friends spend more time with their parents and a lot spend less, so it’s really hard to say, but I know I am pushing them away because they make me tired. I also feel frustrated though when they demand to come before my friends. To me my friends are more important than my family and I don’t know if this is normal, but my friends accept me the way I am and thus it’s easier to spend time with them.

Am I wrong? If so, what am I to change or do to end this mess? Because if it doesn’t end, then I’m just going to walk away until they can get over the things they don’t like about me.

Answer

Your parents don’t have to agree with your sexual orientation, but if they can’t get past it and are constantly bringing it up, there is little you can do. Wanting to get out of that kind of situation would be completely understandable.

On the other hand, if this is something you flaunt or throw in their faces because it’s your act of rebellion and know it will piss them off, then you are causing the problems.

I find it interesting that you say “The only times we get along are when my best friends don’t have time for me …” because that seems to mean you can get along with your parent when it suits you.

Life is a delicate balance, and balancing time between your social activities and your family activities is something you have to figure out.

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