The Effect of Family on a relationship – Family & People

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I’ve had some issues recently, my mother is a quite interesting woman (very two-faced) she is in all honesty, quite crazy, but as with all family member we have an understanding. My parents are very important to me and I do love them but distance is a natural part of our family(they’ve been divorced since I was 1 and like 800 miles away from each other). I also have one sibling who I was never close to, but have gotten to no better since he moved 16 hours away, as weird as that is. My family talks occasionally, usually once a week or once every other week.

My boyfriend’s family is very close. He has 3 brothers and a mom and a step-dad. His real farther abused he, his older brother, and his mom, cheated, and then his mom and real dad got divorced. His real father has since gotten counseling and has a new wife and family. My boyfriend and his brother see their real farther occasionally.

My boyfriend pushes me to be VERY close to his family and my own. He is DEEPLY effected by my family’s disconnected attitude. He wants to be certain of their love and craves their respect, but that’s not how my family operates. His mother is extremely off-putting to me, the last time my boyfriend and I were together she would sit me down and tell me about hoe great and beautiful his ex was and how he was supposed to marry her. He says after we broke up he resolved this issue with her, but I’m uncertain.

I was just wondering what effect everyone feels family has on a relationship. If you don’t get along with your significant other’s family should you call it quits? Or, is it possible to work something out?

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Hey Noodles,

I definitely don’t think not getting on with a partner’s family is a reason to break up with them alone. But to be honest it seems as though your boyfriend’s mom has some issues herself. Who says to the new girlfriend that the old one is great? That’s mean at the very least. But normally within situations like that it’s ‘the grass is always greener’ type of view. What’s more apt is ‘Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t’

Do you get what I’m saying?

Anyway I am close to my family but my ex wasn’t and found it difficult that I was. My mother and my ex ended up falling out and just plain never saw eye to eye, but you know what? I didn’t force what wasn’t going to happen. My ex came over when I made it clear to her that it was important to me and they just put up with each other when they had to. At the end of the day it wasn’t easy for anyone involved but they both loved me and I loved them so we compromised. It’s not easy but it’s the only way you can go about it.

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