When Life Means Nothing To You. – Family & People

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Hi. I’m a 17-year-old who lives in New York. I have a depression problem. There’s this girl that I really like, that I love even, named Melanie. We had class together a few years ago in school, but I have since dropped out of school for personal reasons, and haven’t seen her in about 2Ѕ years. I haven’t seen any of my friends in that amount of time, in fact.

I’ve recently signed up for MySpace, mainly to find my friends and see how they’ve been doing, since I know many of them have profiles there. And I’ve found quite a few of them, including Melanie. I posted a comment on her profile, asking if she remembered who I am, and although she added me as a friend, she’s signed on over 10 times in the last 2 months, but has yet to even answer. It’s killing me. I don’t know how or why I have developed such strong feelings for her (nor do I care), but I just feel a passion for her.

I also found out my biggest fear is true, and that she does, in fact, have a boyfriend and is currently in a relationship, and it’s driving me crazy. I cry every night over her, I think about her night and day, and even have bad mood swings, like I’ll be happy-go-lucky one day, then I’ll be depressed again the next. I know I shouldn’t get but probably seem obsessed over her, as this isn’t healthy for a youngster like me, but it’s too late for me to turn away. She means everything to me, even if I barely know her.

I’ve ruled out the option of “moving on”, too. I know someone is going to tell me to move on and find someone else, but I’ve thought of that long and hard, and it only led me to cut myself over 30 times. I just can’t get this girl out of my mind. I’ve lost all interest in the activities I once enjoyed, and I have a lot of symptoms from my depression. The biggest ones are insomnia and contemplating suicide. I stay up through the whole night, sometimes going a whole day without sleep. Every time I close my eyes, I see her and hear her voice faintly in my head. And I can’t get rid of the fact that she has a boyfriend. If she didn’t, it wouldn’t be so painful, but I always think of what she might be doing with her boyfriend, at any given moment, and I just burst out into tears. It hurts badly, so bad that I’ve even written a suicide letter to her, and have been contemplating suicide for months.

It’s pretty evident in my rant here that I have a major problem, but I don’t know how to deal with it. I’ve told my parents about all my feelings for Melanie, but even they don’t know what to do, and I am quickly approaching the breaking point. I know I’m going to snap any day now, and actually commit suicide. I probably come off as an obsessed freak, but I don’t care. I know who I am, and that I would never hurt Melanie, in any way, nor would I ever stalk her. I just need help. Some serious help. Please, if anyone knows how I can get better, seek help, learn to control my feelings, or even how to get Melanie to love me back, I’d really appreciate it.

Answer

You really concern me, I want you to seek help.

Please call this confidential hotline, its associated with the University at Albany. They are open from 12-12 M-TH and 24 hours on the weekend. However we close for the holidays the 17th. Please call.
(518) 442-5777

No girl is EVER worth ending your life… please realize that… you will get better

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