Why Do I Resent My Mother? – Family & People

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I am a 40-year old single professional, who’s never been married and for the past 8 months, my 57 year old mother has had to come live with me. She is with me because she is not good with money, etc and every since I was 14 years old, even while she was married to my stepfather, I have been the one to financially support her. I, being the oldest of 4 children, have always actually played the ‘mother’ role. When my stepfather died of cancer in 1997, he left my mother close to $300,000 in life insurance; in addition, she collects his military retirement pay (about $1000) monthly. To this date all the money is gone except for the recurring monthly retirement pay. That is not enough for her to live on; so she finally moved in with me last year. For the past 4 years leading up to her living with me, I have constantly had to assist paying her rent, utilities, etc. I found out that she was borrowing from friends and sometimes was unable to pay them back. All in all, now she lives with me, and I hate to admit it, but I am so very tired of playing ‘the mature one’. I really don’t have much of a life outside of work and home. She has 2 dogs that I help care for as well. I can’t even date the way I want to date. It’s hard meeting men, at my age, and having to tell them that they can’t come to my house because my mother is there. I feel like I’m never going to be able to get ahead. My mother doesn’t pay for anything. She takes ALL of her monthly pay and pays her bills, etc. Always, I am the one to pay mortgage, my car note, her hair appts, fuel in her car (as well as mine), and for all food bills and utilities. It’s like I’m made of money. I just wish she’d care about what this is actually doing to me. I have no help from my other siblings and they don’t offer much. My sister and her husband have asked my mom to come live with them – but it’s for purely selfish reasons – to help them with the 18 month old son they have, and the new kid that is on the way. Am I a horrible daughter to just fill tired of everything and want her to leave? Please tell me if I am acting in a bad way, but I feel like running away from everything and NEVER looking back. I love and respect my mother, I only wish she’d do the same for me.:confused:

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No you aren’t terrible. I wouldn’t give her a hand out. I would give her a hand up by telling her that the situation just isn’t working. She needs to move out, be on her own, handle her own bills, etc. I am shocked that all her money is gone. But she is grown and that is her choice. You can show her some ways to manage her money, but it probably won’t really help.

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