Young daughter and my grandson – Family & People

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My daughter had a child at 17 years old. Me and my beautiful wife have supported them until a few months ago. They moved out. My daughter has not held a real job ever, so they are financially poor. She has recently been diagnosed with a Anxiety/depression disorder. Because of her unstable emotions and financial problems we have taken our grandson back to live with us (this is with my daughters blessing). I keep telling her to get a real job and her financial stress will go away, she says she will but it never happens. We are making car payments for her and giving her cash for gas and whatever the new emergency is at the time. This is putting financial stress on me and my wife. We still have a son in high school as well. She constantly calls my wife and screams and es about every little thing in her life. This has caused major stress for her. It has come to the point that the financial stress and the constant tension has affected me. As my daughter was ranting about how broke she was and going to pawn the camera we bought her for x-mas, I said that getting a job at the local coffee shop was more dignafied than pawning a camera. This caused my wife to blow up at me for not being sensative enough to her condition and I say the wrong things. How can I tell her to get off her lazy butt and get a job, yet at the same time be sensative to her condition?

Answer

Let me say that I am sorry you are in such a position, it must be hard, I am sure.

Now, you must understand that you are enabling her by giving her money, paying for cars and gas, etc. She will never get a job if you continue to support her. I speak from experience.

Some people use their “condition” as a crutch. I know it sounds harsh, and it is, but she needs to face reality, so did my husband. If you want to help her, offer to pay for her meds and her doctor’s appointments, but other than that she must do for herself.

I can’t tell you how many things my husband pawned, and lost, as well as how many dollars his parents shelled out to enable his dependent behavior (I don’t even want to imagine it honestly), but once the money is cut off for everything but the meds and the doctors, she will be forced to face reality and get a job.

It sounds terrible, and it is (well sort of), but something has to give here… you have given and given, and now are raising her child. Sometimes there is no better love than tough love.

Trust me, it worked for my husband!!

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Answer ( 1 )

  1. Jena henry
    1
    February 10, 2018 at 10:42 am

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    Be kind, but convincing. Family support is always necessary. Let the daughter strive to become an adult and independent.
    I wish you success!

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